Have you ever had one of those moments, or days, or weeks where all you can see is your failings? Where all you see is what you do wrong, and what you hate about yourself, and how insecure you are, and how boring your life is, and all you can see is how far you haven't moved with the Lord? I have. And I am, right now, having on of those moments when you can't seem to find God, or see what He's been doing, or see the point to anything; and you feel letdown, and disappointed, and angry, and tired. Oh, so tired. Mentally, physically, spiritually.
But especially spiritually. Because you've struggled, and pushed, and tried, and trusted, and cried. Because you're tired of trying to grow a relationship with the Lord, and you feel like it's going now where, or it's never started, or worse: it's never been there.
And then you blame the Lord; and get angry at Him, and feel hurt because of him, and feel let down because of Him. But maybe the problem is with us.
Maybe the problem is with us trying. With us actually holding on to the idea that we can grow a relationship on our own. That we can grow to love the Lord by ourselves. With us thinking we even have to do anything. And so even when we think we are letting the Lord work, we are really shutting Him out, by trying to do everything by ourselves. So when our world comes crashing down because we just can't, we blame the Lord, saying He failed us, He let us down, He didn't keep His word. When in reality, we never gave Him a chance.
We don't have to be the 'perfect Christian'; and always have our lives in control, or have daily devotions that speak to us and mean something, or always love going to church, we just have to be us. We just have to let ourselves be where we are; doubtful, or hurt, or angry, or sad, or discouraged, and let Him take that state we are in; so He can make it into something beautiful.
Because He's already taken care of everything else for us, and we just need to let Him take care of us. It's hard, to just not do anything, and to not try, and let Him work. It seems impossible. We still have this feeling like I need to be doing something to help the Lord along, but we don't. We just have to be me, in every way, shape, and form; we just have to be open, and let Him know what we're feeling, and He'll do the rest.